Friday, January 28, 2011

A series of questions for Clay Travis, the guy who dissed the Terrible Towel

Hi Clay,

I read your NFL fanhouse article the other day regarding the Pittsburgh Steelers' famous Terrible Towel. The flag, if you will, of the Steeler Nation created by the late, great Myron Cope.

The general sentiment of your article was that you thought people twirling around a black and gold towel was a dumb concept and that it didn't really do much to represent the city. You also went on to say that the city of Pittsburgh should use these towels to clean up our dirty town and maybe mop up our crappy rivers.

This morning, I heard a radio interview you did with a local personality regarding your article and in the interview you not only echoed your original views in the article, but you went on to brag about your home state of Tennessee and basically said it was great and awesome and that Pittsburgh and Western, Pa. couldn't really compare to it.

Regarding your thoughts on the Towel. There is no point really trying to explain its significance to you because unless you're from an area where your professional sports teams win on a consistent basis, you'd never really understand such a tradition.

But I do want to ask you some questions about your lovely state of Tennessee because, as a native Pittsburgher, I want my region to be as awesome and progessive as yours and maybe I can gather some ideas from you.

Ok, onto the questions:

During your interview, you said that you wake up next to a Tennessee Titans' cheerleader every morning. Is this something Titans' cheerleaders feel they have to do in-order to supplement their income because their team misses the playoffs more often than not? Just curious.

Since you do not like the Terrible Towel, do the Titans have something superior that they use as their symbol and as a way to fire up their fans or since they don't make the playoffs that often, do they feel it's not worth the time and effort to come up with anything?

Back in the 90's, there was a Denver media outlet that had an "Elway-watch" where they would report on the daily activities of former Denver Broncos legendary quarterback John Elway. Do they have something similar in Nashville for Dolly Parton? Like a "Daily-Dolly" where they keep the locals up-to-date on Dolly's every move?

How many times a year do they play a marathon of Parton's 1980 hit-movie, 9 to 5?

In your article, you said that Steelers fans often get offended if someone disrespects the Terrible Towel. In Nashville, do they get offended and start fights if someone makes fun of "Rhinestone" in which Dolly starred alongside Sylvester Stallone?

If Dollywood were to close down, would that cripple the economy of the entire state of Tennessee?

During your radio interview, you bragged about the many national titles the Tennessee Lady Vols have won over the years. Congratulations on that. Now, if I wanted to watch a Lady Vols basketball game, would I find it on ESPN2, ESPNU, or local public access television? And would the game be live or on tape-delay?

What do they cherish more in Tennessee: The 8 National titles won by the Women's college basketball team, or the 28 USWA World Heavyweight pro-wrestling titles won by the Memphis legend, Jerry "The King" Lawler?

How many times has Lawler been the Grand Marshall at a Memphis parade?

Speaking of parades in Tennessee, is it typical for there to be a "Beverly Hillbillies"-themed float with people dressed as Jed and Ellie Mae Clampett and do they wave to the crowd and does the crowd always get excited? And do parents insist that their children get their pictures taken with them?

Is there a museum anywhere in Tennessee named "The Cement Pond" that honors the great cast of the "Beverly Hillbillies?"

Speaking of the King, how many "Is Elvis Presley still alive" specials have they aired in Memphis since 1977?

When was the last official Elvis sighting? Was it as recently as last week?

How many rotary phones are currently still in use in the entire state of Tennessee?

If someone were to lose a cell phone in Tennessee and one of the locals found it, would they be frightened and think that it might be a device that was left behind by aliens?

Do Tennessee Volunteer football fans lie and say that Peyton Manning was still the quarterback of the Vols in 1998 just to add even a shred of relevance to their otherwise forgettable 1998 National Championship?

In 2009, did the Titans' organization release a DVD commemorating the ten year anniversary of the greatest victory in the history of the franchise? It was a wildcard playoff victory over the Buffalo Bills. I believe you all refer to it as "The Music City Miracle." And did the DVDs sell-out within minutes?

And my last question, when the Titans lost that heart breaker in their lone Super Bowl appearance against the Rams, did the Tennessee faithful hold out hope that the Titans would still be voted number 1 in the USA Today/Coaches poll and thus be named co-Super Bowl Champions?

Please, Clay, if you would get back to me with the answers to these questions as soon as possible, I will then pass them on to Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl and other local civic leaders and they could begin working on trying to bring the Greater Pittsburgh area up to par with your great state of Tennessee.

Sincerely,

Tony Defeo

No comments:

Post a Comment