Saturday, July 31, 2010

Pirates Trades

The Pirates made three trades today just before MLB's non-waiver trade-deadline. They dealt away Closer Octavio Dotel, relief pitchers Javier Lopez, and DJ Carrasco. And they also traded position players Ryan Church and Bobby Crosby.

I won't get into much detail about who they got back in return. What I am excited about is there were no deals that will damage the psyche of the team the rest of the year.

I'm glad that they didn't trade starting pitchers Paul Maholm and Zach Duke. They might not be dominating, ace pitchers, but at least they're pretty stable in the middle of the rotation.

A young lineup needs two or three guys who can at least keep them in the game. And that's what Maholm and Duke are capable of.

Now that the trading deadline is over, perhaps this young core of starting position players can gel a bit as a group and give us at least a glimpse of a future contending club down-the-stretch.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Football Stuff

*So, another Steeler in the last year of his contract wants to be treated "fairly." Outside linebacker Lamarr Woodley said that he can't understand why the Steelers haven't approached him about a new deal. I can think of good one reason, Lamarr: A threat of a lockout. It looks more and more like the owners will lock the players out next season because they want a new collective bargaining agreement. Why in the world would they negotiate a new contract right now? I'm not sure of the particulars, but I don't even think they're allowed at this point. Woodley said he's going to do the right thing and report for training camp, but my guess is this is going to be a Summer of "Woodley the Martyr." Poor Lamarr is going to be risking injury by participating in camp with that measly $500,000 base-salary that he's scheduled to make this year. Don't get me wrong, I like Woodley, it just annoys me when guys complain about not being treated fairly. This is Alan Faneca all over again. Faneca was in the last year of his contract in '07 and reported to camp pretty grouchy and remained that way the entire year. He wanted that huge contract and the Steelers wouldn't give it to him because he was over 30 years old and they had other, younger priorities in Roethlisberger, Polamalu, Miller, and Harrison. Those guys were all eventually signed to huge deals. Woodley is obviously pretty young and not in the same boat as Faneca. I'm pretty sure Woodley will get his money, and if this was a normal year, he probably already would have. Now, onto the "being treated fairly" deal. I always have a problem with that statement because, for one, he's getting paid six-figures to play a sport. I can't think of better way to be treated. And secondly, it's not like the Steelers signed him to a contract with the hopes that he'd play poorly. It just so happens that he exceeded what most players making $500,000 in base-salary usually do. If he performed poorly, would the Steelers have a right to ask for some of their money back? A contract is a contract, Lamarr. You'll get your payday. Just relax.

*Signing Woodley might mean getting rid of someone else. James Farrior is probably in his last year. Some have said Harrison could also be let go in order to make room for Woodley. He is 32 years old, and it wouldn't shock me. It's a young man's sport and when there is a new CBA, there will still be a salary cap and the Steelers are going to have to find room somewhere for a huge Woodley deal. It might actually come down to Harrison or Woodley. I remember about 15 years ago, the Steelers had a similar choice to make between a younger Chad Brown, who was going into free agency, and an older Greg Lloyd, who was already under contract. They chose Lloyd and he spent the last year in Pittsburgh on the injured list. Woodley has 29 sacks in three seasons and he's only 24 years old. If they had to make that choice again, I'm thinking they'll go with youth.

*Maurkice Pouncey, the Steelers first round draft choice, is being accused of accepting $100,000 from an agent's runner this past January before Florida's Sugar Bowl game against Cincinnati. Apparently, this happens all the time and I'm not surprised. Of course these agents are going to do whatever it takes to get these NFL prospects to sign with them. Especially someone like Pouncey, who was a first round selection. It means more money for them. And I can understand why these kids accept the cash. If you're a college athlete under scholarship, you're not even allowed to have a job. If I was 19 or 20, or heck, even 38, and someone offered me that kind of money, I'd have a hard time turning it down. I'm sure the players know it's wrong and in violation of NCAA rules, but when you're broke, you're broke. However, if I was someone like Pouncey and I knew I was going to be making big money in just a few short months, I wouldn't accept $100,000 from some sleazy agent. I would just get a credit card or two or three and run them up. What's the worst thing that could happen? A bad credit score? I'm sure the score would improve greatly after my first NFL paycheck. I'd pay those credit cards off pretty quickly. And then I'd max them out again, just because I could.

*Once again, the Baltimore Ravens are getting a lot of preseason love. Many are picking them to be the AFC representative in the Super Bowl this year. I've never understood why the Ravens are always so popular with the national media. It's almost like they want them to win for whatever reason. I'm sure it has something to do with their desire for Ray Lewis to be in the Super Bowl again and on the biggest stage in sports. For media members looking for quotes and stories, it might be the sports equivalent to porn. Seriously, what other reason could there be for picking the Ravens every year? They hardly ever win their division. They usually finish the regular season at 9-7 and barely make the playoffs. Their offense is normally pretty average and their defense isn't nearly as dominant as people think it is. This year, however, the experts might actually be on to something. They picked up Anquan Boldin in the offseason and he'll be their number one receiver and a threat every time he touches the ball. Also, Joe Flacco is coming into his third year as a starting quarterback and the only thing he's seemed to lack thus far is a really explosive receiving threat. And their running game is pretty potent, as well. Ray Rice might be the best all-around running back in the NFL with his ability to catch the ball out of the backfield. The Ravens defense doesn't impress me as much. Ray Lewis is just about at the end of the line and their cornerbacks look to be the weak link in their defensive armor. I don't care how great a pass rush you have or how good you are at playing the run, if your cornerbacks are suspect, you're going to give up a lot of big plays. Just go back and watch the 4th quarter of most Steelers games from last season. And Ed Reed is supposed to miss six weeks with a hip injury. We all know what happened to the Steelers secondary when Troy missed most of last year with injuries. I hope I'm right about the Ravens defense because the thought of watching Baltimore dominate the division and the league would just be down-right nauseating.

*Speaking of nauseating, I'm taking a trip to Ohio next week while on vacation. But it's ok, because it'll be a good part of the state: Canton. We're going to visit the NFL Hall of Fame. I've always wanted to go there and I can't wait to check it out. I might want to move in. I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

George Steinbrenner

Last week, longtime Yankees owner, George Steinbrenner, passed away at the age of 80. He bought the team in 1973 for roughly $10,000,000 and eventually turned it into the most valuable franchise in professional sports.

Since he bought the team, they have won 11 American League pennants and 7 World Series titles.

Last week, after his passing, much praise was heaped upon Steinbrenner for how badly he wanted to win and how he did whatever he needed to do in-order to achieve that goal. Most said he was great for the game; that baseball needs a team like the Yankees who dominate year-in and year-out.

I don't happen to be one of those people. I'm not saying George was a bad person. From most accounts, outside of the baseball world, he was a very nice and charitable man.

But in the context of baseball, all he really cared about was the Yankees. You might think that's an absurd thing for me to say. Of course, he cared about his team, his investment. Why wouldn't he?

Well, like someone pointed out on a radio show I was listening to the other day: Steinbrenner might have been competing against 30 other owners in MLB, but as a whole, baseball is competing against all the other entertainment options out there.

Baseball might be extremely vibrant in places like New York, Chicago, LA, and Boston. But in places like Pittsburgh, Kansas City and Cleveland, not so much. I've been trying to put it into words for years, and that guy on the radio show I was listening to put it perfectly. What does it matter if people in New York and Boston are crazy about baseball but the rest of the country doesn't care?

A lot of people around here say that if we had an owner like Steinbrenner here in Pittsburgh, it would make a difference. "We need someone like that here. He cared about winning, and he did whatever he could to win!"

Well, the one thing that Steinbrenner had that gave him the ability to win at all costs was the city that his team was located in: New York.

You take away New York City and Steinbrenner would have been just another owner. Oh, I'm sure he would have made a slight difference in places like Pittsburgh, but in the end, he would have faced the same obstacles that any other small-market owner has to face. You take an owner like a Steinbrenner and put him in a small market town, and you have Wayne Huizenga. He bought the Marlins the ability to compete for a World Series back in '97 and they actually won the whole thing, but the very next year, they were one of the worst teams in baseball because he sold off every key component of that team. Miami is a small market and there was no way Huizenga could, a) sustain that kind of payroll with the revenue avenues available to him, and b) turn a profit.

The Yankees might be the king of the mountain in the current economic baseball climate, but teams in Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Los Angeles can and have taken advantage of it, as well.

Back in 1994, there was a players strike and one of the things the owners wanted to implement was a salary cap. Well, the baseball players union refused and wouldn't give in. Eventually, the owners gave in and baseball has never really been the same.

Since 1995, the Yankees have won 5 World Series and have only missed the postseason once. The Red Sox have won 2 titles. The White Sox, Phillies, Braves, and Angels one each. That's 11 titles won by the biggest markets in the game over a 15 year span.

The Marlins were the only true small market team to win a championship and they did it twice. However, they had to completely gut their teams after each one.

A salary cap in Major League Baseball wouldn't solve every problem. There are some teams that are just inept. Look at the franchises in the NFL who can't get out of their own way no matter what. The Lions have struggled for years. The Bengals have been bottom-feeders for the better part of two-decades. But at least every team in the NFL has an equal opportunity to thrive if they draft and develop well and make key personnel decisions at the proper time.

The Pirates fall into that inept category. They just haven't made very many sound baseball decisions over the past 18 seasons. No one is disputing this. Had they had some solid baseball people running things over the last 15 years or so, they might have contended a time or two or at least finished above .500 a few times.

But the incompetence of teams like the Pirates doesn't forgive the fact that there are haves and have nots in Major League Baseball.

Some small market teams have risen above the fray and have made themselves into contenders by drafting and developing young stars. Kudos to them. But what happens when their fortunes change and the true cyclical nature of sports comes into play and the players they draft don't develop into stars?

They'll struggle, and there is nothing wrong with a team struggling for a few years. In-fact, that's how it should be in sports. But the problem I have is the Yankees, Red Sox and Dodgers will always have that chance to compete because they'll always have the large market to fall back on. There are years when they might actually struggle, but it won't be because they can't afford to pay their players.

The Chicago Cubs are a pretty bad baseball team this year. Heck, so far, they have a .250 winning percentage against the Pirates, but they're still able to have a $145,000,000 payroll.

The Yankees have a $200,000,000 payroll, but they haven't just gone out and bought themselves winning baseball teams. It all started with the farm system. They developed key players like Bernie Williams and Derek Jeter. Core players that have contributed to their 15 year run. But they've been able to sustain it by adding players like A-Rod and Roger Clemens to that core.

The Pirates can't do that. They can't afford to bridge that gap from key players from the past to key players of the present.

Had they been able to do that, a young Brian Giles could have been added to a roster that still included Barry Bonds. Or instead of trading a Brian Giles for a Jason Bay like they did in '03, they could have been on the team at the same time. Instead of losing a Doug Drabek to free agency, you keep him and a few years later, you add a Jason Schidmt to the rotation and sustain it for a few more years.

That's what the Yankees have done, but teams like the Pirates, Twins and Royals can't. Sure, they can develop stars, but in the end, they won't be able to keep them. At least most of the time.

I've been calling for a salary cap for years. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I do know that the other three major sports leagues have it and their leagues are thriving.

With revenue sharing in baseball, every team is making money, but there is a difference between making money and being able to compete. Teams like the Yankees and Mets can make money AND compete whereas the Pirates might be able to compete for a few years, but because of the cities they reside in, will never have the revenue streams to sustain it for the long haul.

Some have said that it's capitalism at it's finest. A free-market enterprise and George just took advantage of that. Well, that may be true, but I deal with a free-market society every day and I watch sports to escape the problems of trying to make ends meet.

I don't want my local baseball team to have to try and make ends meet. Not much of an escape.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Tea Party's All-Time NBA Team as Voted on by Team Party Members

1st Team:

Guard: John Havlicek, Boston Celtics
Guard: Bob Cousy, Boston Celtics
Center: Bill Walton, Portland Trailblazers/Boston Celtics
Forward: Kevin Mchale, Boston Celtics
Forward: Larry Bird, Boston Celtics

2nd Team:

Guard: Jerry West, Los Angeles Lakers
Guard: John Stockton, Utah Jazz
Center: Bill Laimbeer, Cleveland Cavaliers/Detroit Pistons
Forward: Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
Forward: Rick Berry, Golden St. Warriors/Houston Rockets

3rd Team:

Guard: "Pistol" Pete Maravich, Atlanta Hawks/Utah Jazz/Boston Celtics
Guard: Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
Center: George Mikan, Minneaoplis Lakers
Forward: Kurt Rambis, Los Angeles Lakers
Forward: Christian Laettner, Atlanta Hawks/Detroit Pistons/Washington Wizards/Miami Heat

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Tea Party's All-time NFL Team As Voted on by Tea-Party Members

Quarterback:
Roger Staubach, Dallas Cowboys.
Honorable mention:
Bart Starr, Green Bay Packers.

Running Backs:
Hugh Mcelhenny, San Fransisco 49ers/Minnesota Vikings.
Paul Hornung, Green Bay Packers.
Honorable mentions:
Jim Taylor, Green Bay Packers.
Larry Czonka, Miami Dolphins.

Wide Receivers:
Don Hutson, Green Bay Packers.
Steve Largent, Seattle Seahawks.
Honorable mentions:
Fred Biletnikoff, Oakland Raiders.
Lance Alworth, San Diego Chargers/Dallas Cowboys.
Wes Welker, New England Patriots.
Don Beebe, Buffalo Bills/Green Bay Packers.


Tight End:
Mark Bavaro, New York Giants.
Honorable mention:
Mike Ditka, Chicago Bears/Philadelphia Eagles/Dallas Cowboys.

Offensive Linemen:
Jerry Kramer, Green Bay Packers.
Mike Webster, Pittsburgh Steelers.
John Hannah, New England Patriots.
Dan Dierdorf, St. Louis Cardinals.
Alan Faneca, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Honorable mentions:
Conrad Dobler, St. Louis Cardinals.
Forrest Gregg, Green Bay Packers/Dallas Cowboys.

Defensive Linemen:
Jack Youngblood, Los Angeles Rams.
Randy White, Dallas Cowboys.
Art Donovan, Baltimore Colts.
Merlin Olsen, Los Angeles Rams.
Howie Long, Los Angeles Raiders.
Honorable mentions:
Fred Dryer, Los Angeles Rams.
Tony Siragusa, Baltimore Ravens.
Bob Lilly, Dallas Cowboys.

Linebackers:
Dick Butkus, Chicago Bears.
Jack Lambert, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Bill Romanowski, San Fransisco 49ers/Denver Broncos/Oakland Raiders.
Sam Huff, New York Giants.
Honorable mentions:
Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears.
Jack Ham, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Kevin Greene, Los Angeles Rams/Pittsburgh Steelers/Carolina Panthers.

Defensive Backs:
Paul Krause, Minnesota Vikings.
Dick Lebeau, Detroit Lions.
Cliff Harris, Dallas Cowboys.
John Lynch, Tampa Bay Buccaneers/Denver Broncos.
Honorable mentions:
Jason Sehorn, New York Giants.
Mike Wagner, Pittsburgh Steelers.

Placekicker:
George Blanda, Chicago Bears/Houston Oilers/Oakland Raiders.
Honorable mention: Pat Summerall, New York Giants.

Punter:
"Bullet" Bill Dudley, Pittsburgh Steelers/Detroit Lions/Washington Redskins.
Honorable mention: Ray Guy, Oakland Raiders.

Head Coach: Mike Ditka, Chicago Bears/New Orleans Saints.
Honorable mention: Bum Phillips, Houston Oilers/New Orleans Saints.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tomlin Gets Contract Extension

It is being reported in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette that the Steelers have reached agreement on a contract extension with Steelers head-coach Mike Tomlin. It is a three-year deal and will run through 2014.

People were beginning to wonder if Tomlin had the approval of the Steelers front office. We all know the many trials and tribulations the franchise has gone through over the past year or so. Tomlin's ability to control his players was starting to come into question.

The professional sports world is a weird one. Grown men can act up and get into trouble off the field and their bosses are the ones who get criticized for it.

If getting into trouble away from work was an employer's responsibility, my boss would be getting blamed every time I went to happy hour or a party.

The Steelers traditionally extend their head coach's contract with two years remaining and there was speculation that management was going to wait and see how Tomlin handled the very challenging upcoming season.

Heck, I was even beginning to consider the possibility of the Steelers bringing back Bill Cowher to coach the team.

I mean, they've already done so many unSteeler-like things this offseason in bringing back former players Antwaan Randle El, Larry Foote, and Bryant Mcfadden. It would only be fitting for them to bring back their old coach.

After all, Art Rooney II, Dan's son and President of the team since 2003, seems more business like than his father and grandfather before him. Would the Steelers become just another team that changes coaches every time there is a sign of trouble?

Well, no need to wonder any more.

There are many out there who aren't going to like the Tomlin extension. Some think he's a soft-touch; that he's too much of a player's coach. Last year's seemingly easy post-Super Bowl training camp was dubbed "Camp Cupcake."

Tomlin has also been criticized for preferring veterans over younger players.

Well, if you think back about ten years, Bill Cowher was criticized for many of the same things. After their six-year run as a Super Bowl contender in the 90's, the team started to fall on hard times in 1998. That year started a three year stretch of not making the playoffs.

People began to wonder if he was starting to lose the team. Were the players growing tired of the prominent jaw, and the spit? Many were especially critical of his handling of quarterback Kordell Stewart.

And there was the revolving door of offensive coordinators and his very public power-struggle with former Director of Player Personnel, Tom Donahue.

Fans and media were very upset with the contract extension the team gave Cowher in 2000. Some thought that 8 seasons was long enough and that the next chapter in Steelers history should be written by a new author, so to speak. Well, Cowher weathered that storm and turned the team into a Super Bowl contender once again.

I don't know what more Tomlin has to prove. He's been the head coach for three seasons, and he's been to the playoffs twice and has already won a championship.

He did something in 2 years that it took Cowher 13 years to do.

Let's not forget, before the team won the Super Bowl in 2005, Cowher was labeled as a coach who couldn't win the big game.

And I know what people have said about Tomlin winning with Cowher's players, but I want you to take a look at this list:

Rod Woodson
Dermontti Dawson
Neil O'Donnell
Carnell Lake
Greg Lloyd
Barry Foster
Merril Hoge
Ernie Mills
John Jackson
Justin Strelzyk

Those are players that Cowher inherited from Chuck Noll when he retired as head coach following the 1991 season. Most of them became the backbone of those 90's playoff teams.

Tomlin is the right man for the job.

Friday, July 9, 2010

King James

After months and months of speculation, NBA all-world basketball player LeBron James has decided to join his buddies Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami to be a part of a Heat trio that hopes to dominate the NBA.

I'll believe it when I see it. I'm not saying that the "Next Three," or whatever they're going to be called, won't rule the basketball world for many years to come and win 5-straight NBA crowns, but I've seen stuff like this before in sports. Maybe not of this magnitude, but the best teams on paper don't always turn out to be the best teams in real life.

Last night, during a much-hyped and much-criticized 60-minute show on ESPN, James announced his decision to leave his hometown (or at least close to hometown) Cleveland Cavaliers and ply his basketball trade in Miami.

I don't know why LeBron agreed to this narcissistic one-hour show, but he had to know it wouldn't come off well to most people.

James went to the NBA right out of high school so he never got to experience college recruiting and the pomp and circumstance that goes with it. And in essence, with the max-contracts in the NBA, that's what this was. It wasn't about the money because James would have made the maximum amount that an NBA player could make no matter where he signed. I didn't see last night's spectacle, but if there wasn't a pep-rally, that's the only thing that separated it from the college recruiting process.

I don't think I've ever seen a player of Jame's magnitude leave his long-time team and join another organization.

When A-Rod left the Mariners to join the Texas Rangers ten years ago, that was a big deal. But even though Rodrigeuz signed a record $250,000,000 deal, he was no where near the celebrity that James is.

The Wayne Gretzky trade from Edmonton to Los Angeles back in 1988 was unreal. Wayne Gretzky was Mr. Everything for Edmonton and the NHL. He was arguably just as big a star as James, but again, that was a TRADE, not a free agent signing. Imagine Peyton Manning deciding to leave the Colts in the prime of his career and sign with another team. That's what this James situation feels like to me.

Even though I'm a Pittsburgh sports fan and always wish ill-will on any team from Cleveland, I kind of feel sorry for the fans up there. James was everything to them. He owned that town and probably would have for the rest of his life if he wanted to.

But now he's being vilified for leaving his city and his team and who knows if they'll ever forgive him. If he goes on to win the titles that he's hoping for, the city will probably never let him forget it or welcome him back with open-arms.

Cleveland sports fans have had some rough times. As others have pointed out, The Decision will now be up there with The Drive, The Fumble, and The Shot as infamous, devastating events in Cleveland sports history.

The town hasn't celebrated a championship of any kind since 1964 and James was their best shot.

With a perennially bad Browns team and a declining Indians team, James represented the one hope for ending that drought. The Cavs came close many times but could never get over the hump with him, so what's going to happen now that he's gone?

Penguins fans are still bitter about Marian Hossa's departure from Pittsburgh to Detroit a couple of years ago, but that's child's-play compared to how they'd feel if Sidney Crosby left as a free agent to sign with another team in the prime of his career.

That's what people are feeling in Cleveland right at this very moment.

Where will the Cavaliers go from here? The window for a title is seemingly closed for good, but maybe they can go out and acquire another top player to fill the King's shoes. It's not going to be easy, of course, but they have to do something to give their fans some hope. They obviously have some freed-up cap room these days. I say, try to utilize it and stay in the championship race. After all, the Eastern conference of the NBA isn't exactly filled with dominating teams.

As for James, I believe he's painted himself into a corner. If he does win a title with the Heat, there will be critics who say he couldn't get over the hump until he played with other mega-superstars; he couldn't put a team on his back and take them all the way. If he doesn't win a championship with Wade and Bosh, he'll get criticized even more.

And can you imagine if the Cavs somehow win an NBA crown without Lebron James? His legacy would be tarnished forever.

It'll be interesting to see what happens in Miami next season. Who is going to be the Man in Miami? Will it be James, who is the biggest star in the game, or will it be Wade, who is considered on-par with Lebron in terms of talent and already has won an NBA crown. Wade is a pretty huge star in his own right and is the leader of the Heat. Will there be enough shots to go around? Those guys might be friends now, but how will they co-exist night in and night out? There is something to be said for chemistry. I don't think there has ever been two players with this kind of star-power on the same team. And what about Bosh? He was used to being the go-to guy in Toronto. Will he be able to stomach being the 3rd-wheel in Miami?

And what about Kobe? Will this stuff elevate Kobe Bryant even more? Bryant is still in his prime and has already won 5 titles in Los Angeles.

If anyone thought Bryant would be done trying to prove himself, "The Next Three" have given him all the motivation he needs.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Top Twelve Reasons Why I Haven't Watched the World Cup

12. Nobody ever talks about soccer any other time. In the past four years since the last World Cup, nobody has said to me: "Hey man, want to come over and watch the big Chelsea vs. Liverpool game?" Nobody ever mentions soccer at all so why should I start to get into it now?

11. No soccer moms anywhere to be seen.

10. No fantasy leagues and if there are World Cup fantasy leagues, I can't imagine how one could possibly accumulate points. And even if there was a fantasy league for soccer, I'd be totally lost during the draft. I'd have to buy a draft-guide or something.

9. Mark Madden likes it.

8. They keep blowing those stupid vuvuzelas. I have a fear of bees. I mean, it's a phobia and I don't want to sit for three hours and listen to a sound-effect of a whole swarm of them.

7. No Terrible Towels.

6. Very little scoring. If I wanted to watch a bunch of games that ended 1-0, I would watch more Pirates games.

5. There are ties. The games last forever, they run up and down the field for hours and often-times, the game will end in a tie. And some people get really excited about the tie. If a real low-ranking team gets a tie over a world power in soccer, the country they represent will go nuts and start dancing in the streets. Parades are thrown and the players become national heroes.

You'll see people singing songs in the streets. Stuff like: "A tie! A tie, a tie! Da da, da da, da da, da da, da da! A 0-0 tie! Hooray!"

T-shirts commemorating this tie are printed:
A gallon of milk: $17
A gallon of gas: $84.
A 0-0 tie vs. Brazil: Priceless.

And on the flip side, if a world power ties an underdog, there are riots in the streets. Governments are almost overthrown.

Speaking of that............

4. People die. You know how sometimes in this country, when a player screws up a crucial play or an official makes a bad call, death-threats are sometimes directed towards certain individuals? Well, in countries with really rabid soccer fans, they often mean it when they say it. Referees disappear. Players vanish never to be seen again. They're not fooling around. Garbage isn't dumped on someone's lawn. Bodies are.

3. Embellishment. If I wanted to see guys rolling around on the ground embellishing innocent looking collisions, I would put WWE Smackdown on and watch the referee lay on the ground, "unconscious" for six minutes after being accidentally knocked into the ropes.

2. They don't use their hands. If you catch the ball, it's a penalty? I can't play that.

And the number one reason why I can't watch the World Cup:

1. When a player rips off his shirt exposing his washboard abs and rock hard pecs, it reminds me that I have a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts.